Betraying Bedroom Secrets

Imagine confiding in your best friend and revealing your deepest, darkest secret to her. However, to your utter dismay and horror, she then proceeds to broadcast your secret to all of society! How would you feel and what would your reaction be?

In all probability, you would feel mortified (extremely embarrassed) and would regard your ‘friend’ to be a backstabber. You would never again trust her and would be reluctant to even remain friends with her.

In this regard, one of the most important and serious secrets and trusts which should never ever be betrayed or revealed is the secret and trust of “bedroom secrets”.

The Map of Marriage

 Any intelligent person undertaking a very long journey – through a route which he has not travelled before – will ensure that he makes adequate preparations before he departs. He will seek advice and directions and will make enquiries regarding the road and what to expect. After making all the appropriate preparations and taking all the necessary advice and directions, he will most likely carry a GPS to guide him along the way and prevent him from taking any wrong turns.

Marriage is also a journey. However, the journey of marriage is meant to last a lifetime. It takes one through different terrains and past various sceneries. While it may generally be smooth sailing, like a luxury car on an open freeway, there are sometimes the odd and unexpected gravel patches. While the route may mainly usher one past gardens, rivers, waterfalls and rolling seas, it does also sometimes lead one through dry and quiet deserts. If the traveller keeps his eye on the road and focuses on his destination, he will insha-Allah safely pass through all the hills and valleys as well as gardens and deserts.

Complain to Allah​

“The kids are driving me up the wall!”... “I’ve got the most terrible migraine! It feels as if my head is splitting!”...

We all have our portion of problems in life. Whether it’s a toddler with a tantrum, unreasonable in-laws or nosy neighbours, peoples’ problems and challenges span all spheres of life. Moreover, problems do not make an appointment or give us ‘advance notice’ before stopping by – they arrive out of the blue and stay as long as they wish.

Being human, it is natural for us to be emotionally affected by circumstances. Depending on the nature of the problem, we may feel depressed, angered or even humiliated. In some instances, we may turn to someone and confide in them to seek advice. However, in other instances, many of us turn to our husbands and complain to them in order to ‘off-load’ and receive some sympathy.

Bring out the Best in Him

No matter how hard this material world may try, it will never ever be perfect. Even if you fly first-class, you may have a person snoring nearby, spoiling your serenity. Even if you install the best bathroom fittings, they cannot give you water when the municipality decides to cut-off the mains. Even if the best of food is prepared, you don’t always have the appetite for it, and so on.

The point is that nothing in this material world will be perfect. Rather, you win some and you lose some. Everything will have its pros and cons. The trick is to avoid the cons while enjoying the pros. For example, if a person is stuck with a chipped mug, then instead of cutting his lip over and over on the chipped portion, he will turn the mug the other way and drink from the intact portion. Similarly, if he has a couch that is sagging on one side, then instead of collapsing into the sagging section, he will avoid it and sit on the other side.

The Furnace of Love​

Iron is a substance renowned for its strength and resilience. Hence, iron, in its various alloys (a form where it is mixed with another metal) is used extensively in the building industry, especially to support concrete slabs, reinforce foundations, etc. However, have we ever wondered how iron is shaped? After all, we find it available in a multitude of sizes and shapes!

The answer is that for iron to be shaped, it must be heated in a furnace. Once the iron is red-hot, it softens to some extent, becoming malleable (easily shaped without breaking) and accommodating. It is then easy for the blacksmith to mould the metal into the shape he desires. 

What Will Become of Her?

 There were many men who would not drink coffee, yet after a few years of marriage, they became regular coffee consumers. Likewise, there were many women who had never drank a sip of tea, yet after a few years of marriage, they became regular tea drinkers.

There are many other examples that illustrate the manner in which one spouse’s ways, tendencies and habits rub off onto the other. It can be as simple as taste in food, or a little more involved such as developing punctuality and fastidiousness. Nevertheless, the point is evident – spouses have a profound effect on one another, to the point of even altering their habits and ways.

What do I Want in a Spouse?

Allah Ta‘ala, through His infinite power, has created humankind with such variety that despite the people on earth numbering more than seven billion, every person is completely unique. Be it in physical appearance, or in habits and tendencies, or in societal status and nobility, or even in intelligence and understanding – no two people are completely alike. Allah Ta‘ala, in His limitless wisdom, has given different people different proportions of beauty, strength, wealth, intelligence, honour, etc.

Nevertheless, when a person is looking to get married and settle down, then there are many qualities and traits that one will seek in a spouse. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) explained that generally people look at four qualities when considering a spouse. These four qualities are wealth, societal status, beauty and Deen. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) then urged us to ensure that we marry a pious spouse, as from all the various qualities, it is the quality of Deen and piety that is the most important. (Saheeh Bukhaari #5090)

Nikaah – A Fortress from Fitnah

Allah Ta‘ala is the Creator of man, and Allah Ta‘ala understands man the best. Allah Ta‘ala knows all the needs of man, from the biggest and most obvious need, to the smallest and most subtle of needs, and out of His infinite mercy and grace, Allah Ta‘ala has provided for all of man’s needs.

For example, man has the need for food and drink. If man does not eat and drink, he will suffer starvation and dehydration, ultimately leading to his death. Hence, Allah Ta‘ala has provided man with various types of food and drink through which he can fulfill his need. However, when Allah Ta‘ala is most pure, then He made Islam a Deen of purity, and He made Jannah the abode of those who are pure. Hence, when fulfilling his needs, man cannot consume anything and everything, according to his wishes and desires, but may only consume that which is pure and halaal.

“He is Your Jannah or Jahannam”

 For every department in this world to function smoothly, be it a business, an educational institute or even a government, it requires a figure of authority. If everyone is equal in every respect, there would be no order and system. In the similar manner, for every home to function smoothly and harmoniously, Allah Ta‘ala has given the husband the position of being the head of the household. He has also tasked him with extra responsibilities. Whilst the husband has been repeatedly commanded to be kind and good to his wife, it is the wife’s duty to be obedient to him (within the limits of sharee‘ah). In this lies her peace of mind and the smooth functioning of her home.

On one occasion, the aunt of Sayyiduna Husain bin Mihsan (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) came to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) to discuss a certain need that she had. After she had discussed her need with Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) asked her, “Do you have a husband?” When she replied in the affirmative, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) asked her, “How is your relationship with him? (i.e. is he pleased or displeased with you?)” She replied, “I make every effort (to please him) – except in regard to those things which I cannot manage.” Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) then advised her saying, “Ensure that you continue to examine your relationship with him (at all times), as he is your Jannah or your Jahannam (i.e. pleasing him will cause you to enter Jannah, while displeasing him will cause you to enter Jahannam).” (Musnad Ahmad #27352)

Salvaging the Situation

 Every cook, no matter how accomplished and proficient, will inevitably, at some point, find themselves facing a culinary disaster. Even the best baker will make a mistake, and confusing icing sugar for baking powder will undoubtedly lead to an unforgettable flop.

However, an adept cook and baker knows that even an outstanding flop can often be salvaged in some way or another. Too much salt in the food? – add potatoes. Too spicy? – add some yoghurt. Gravy too thin? – add some maizena. Similarly, a flopped cake can easily be transformed into a trifle with the aid of some custard and jelly.

In essence, if one knows the right ingredients, one can salvage a bad situation and find some way to turn the inedible into something at least moderately appetizing.

Bearing the Burdens of Others

One of the greatest privileges and favours which ‘Ali (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) enjoyed from Allah Ta‘ala was that he was raised in the care of none other than Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). The circumstances which led to him entering the care of Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) are as follows:

Before Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was blessed with prophethood, there was a period during which the Quraish and other people of Makkah Mukarramah suffered a severe drought. In this difficult period, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) noticed that his uncle, Abu Taalib, had many dependents, and due to the drought, it was difficult for him to provide for them all. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) thus went to his other uncle, ‘Abbaas (radhiyallahu ‘anhu), who was very wealthy, and said, “O ‘Abbaas, my uncle! Your brother, Abu Taalib, has many dependents, and as you can see, people have been afflicted by the drought. Let us approach him and offer to lessen his burden by each of us taking one of his dependents into our care.”

Blessed with Barakah​

 ‘Umaarah bin Hazm (rahimahullah) narrates the following incident from Sayyiduna Ubayy bin Ka’b (radhiyallahu ‘anhu):

On one occasion, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) sent me to collect the zakaat that was due on the people’s wealth. While collecting zakaat from the people, I passed by a Sahaabi who also needed to discharge his zakaat. Accordingly, this Sahaabi gathered all his camels and presented them to me so that I could calculate the zakaat due on the camels. After examining the camels, I determined that his zakaat on the camels amounted to a single one-year old she-camel.

I thus said to him, “You need to discharge a single one-year old she-camel as this is the zakaat due on your camels.” Hearing this, the man replied, “A one-year old she camel neither gives milk, nor can it be used as a conveyance (hence, there is very little benefit in it). Instead of a one-year old she camel, here is a young, strong, large and fat she camel. Take this camel.” I replied, “I cannot take that which I was not instructed to take. However, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) is nearby. If you wish to go to him and present to him what you presented to me, you may do so. If Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) accepts your offer (to give a better camel in zakaat), I will take the camel from you, but if he does not accept your offer, I will not take the camel.”

Misery in Being Miserly

 “Those who are miserly with that which Allah has given them should never think it (holding back due to miserliness) to be good for them; rather, it is bad for them. They will be made to wear on their necks as collars that which they were miserly with on the Day of Qiyaamah. And to Allah alone belongs the inheritance of the heavens and the earth. And Allah is All Aware of what you do. (Surah Aal ‘Imraan v180)

In this verse, Allah Ta‘ala mentions one of the evil traits which the Jews possessed – the quality of miserliness. He further explains the severity of miserliness and warns those who have this trait and practice on it.

My Jewellery and Zakaat

Many of us have gold and silver jewellery upon which zakaat is payable, but unfortunately we are not discharging our zakaat. Some have the incorrect notion that they are not earning themselves and do not have cash, hence they are not liable for zakaat on jewellery. This is incorrect. In such a case either the husband may pay the zakaat of the wife with her prior permission or she may sell a piece of her jewellery and pay her zakaat.

The same ruling applies to qurbaani (the sacrificing of an animal at ‘Eidul Adhaa). Although the wife does not have cash at hand, she does have jewellery to the value of nisaab. Here too the husband may perform the qurbaani on his wife’s behalf with her prior permission or she may sell some of her jewellery and offer her qurbaani. Let not our jewellery become a barrier and an obstacle in us reaching the pleasure of our Allah Ta‘ala. Discharging our zakaat and qurbaani will be clear signs of our bond with Allah Ta‘ala.

Burning Widows: The Basis of Sati in Hindu Religious Texts

Mufti Abdulla Moola 

Sati[1] (also called Suttee), i.e., widow burning, is a ghastly Hindu custom that was carried out upon the death of a husband. This savage and inhumane practice, drawn from a myth involving a Hindu god was implemented either voluntarily or by use of force throughout Hindu history.

The most well known form of Sati is where a woman burns to death on the funeral pyre of her husband. Other forms of Sati also exist, like being buried alive with the corpse of the husband and drowning.[2]

Traditional Hinduism deprives a widow of all inheritance from her deceased husband. Furthermore, burning alive or being viewed as a failed wife were the only two choices for these widows. What is even more heartbreaking is the fanfare with which Sati was done upon the decision of the woman to become Sati (a Chaste One)

Violence and Murder by Hindu Gods in Hindu Scriptures

Apart from committing rape and engaging in other such acts, Hindu gods are depicted in Hindu scripture as committing murder and matricide.

Hindu gods are depicted in books and online as weapon-wielding fierce figures. Whilst the media goes into a frenzy every now and then about ‘Mozlems’ and their “violence,” we find hardly any mention of the Hindutva mobs terrorizing innocent men, women, and children. Burning their homes and committing sexual assaults.

The irony is those who claim, “Hinduism is a peaceful religion, you don’t understand, Read in the proper context.”

Hinduism and the Killing of Female Infants

By: Mufti Abdulla Moola

One of the great signs of the magnificence and grandeur of Allāh Ta’ālā is that He created us in pairs, male and female. In His infinite wisdom, Allāh Ta’ālā grants marriage partners to us and male and female offspring to whomever He wants. In Islam, society is encouraged to look at sons and daughters with the same level of joy, pray regularly for them, and rear them in righteousness.

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.[1]

On the other side, many Hindus look down with disgust, shame, and ignominy upon the birth of a girl into the home. Hindu scriptures like the Vedas have thousands of verses praying for sons, but not a single one praying for the birth of a daughter.

Padma Purana VII.6.89 “The purpose of having a wife is to have sons. The purpose of having a son is to receive Pindas from him at the Sraddha ceremony. For this purpose only the wise take a wife.”

The Drunken, Cow-Slaughtering Gods: Alcohol in Hinduism

By: Mufti Abdulla Moola

Religious Hindus like to display an image of righteousness and high morality, whilst the reality is quite something else.

Hindus rank very high on the drinkers’ list compared to other religious groups. This makes them prone to alcohol-related health problems and crime.

About 30% of the Indian population drinks regularly, where Hindus contribute to the number the most. The average Indian consumes 4.3 liters of alcohol per year while the average rural Indian consumes 11.4 liters of alcohol per year which is 5.2 liters more than the international norm of 6.2 liters per year.[1]

Looking at this, it comes as no surprise to find that India has a very high rate of alcohol-related deaths annually: 260,000 deaths per year.[2] 

No More Magz and News

By and large, the magazines and newspapers of today are filled with the same things. Nearly every edition must have:

· How to lose weight (which gives or reinforces the complex within people that they will never be happy or successful unless they are slim and trim).

· Advertisements of the latest products and trendiest homes (which creates discontentment and greed in the heart as we fell that what Allah has already given us is not good enough).

When the Gods Won’t Take No for an Answer: Rapist Gods in Hinduism

By:Mufti Abdullah Moolla

India has a long and dark history of sexual violence, most notably, rape. According to one study, a girl is raped every 20 minutes in India.

Most incidents go unpunished. Horrific details are covered up and flushed away by Hindu officials. Rape stats reveal an increase in rape cases in India from 2018 to 2019, with seemingly no foreseeable decline.[1]

What has created this kind of situation? How could an entire religion tolerate such crimes and disregard for human beings?